Bogan Day Out... I mean Big Douche Out... I mean Big Day Out... Just last week, I went to Big Day Out for the first time ever, and the rumours are true. BDO is just a rampant breeding ground for bogans, trailer park trash and conventionally hot chicks* who thought that BDO would be the cool thing to do. I never knew they liked music that wasn't Lady Gaga...
This year's headliners were British uber-stadium band Muse, and the crowd in the pit had a surprisingly large number of fresh-faced, clearly underage girls and wimpy boys who must have a masochistic streak to get into the pit. Or perhaps they were overenthusiastic Twilight fans intent on hearing the soundtrack live. Clearly gladiator sandals, dangly earrings and miniskirts isn’t a smart choice, yet these delicate creatures surely spoilt the moshing atmosphere for quite a few of us by continually whinging about getting stepped on or that they were a bit squished. A few of the cleverer ones (but clearly still not that bright to even get into the pit in the first place) realised this, and in the first half of Muse’s set they were all crowd surfing their way out of there, usually in a various stage of undress.
It’s not like I’m a beefy bloke who needs more than a punch to go down. I’m five-foot-three and not very substantial, but I come in full knowledge that I probably will – and usually do – get punched in the guts, get stepped on and have a crowd surfer kick me in the face. So, sorry to all those girls who thought I was deliberately pushing you. It’s called a mosh pit. To make things worse, my six-foot-four boyfriend was wearing a giant novelty sombrero that ironically had “THIS KENT” (i.e. this cunt) written on it. We must’ve been the most hated couple at BDO Melbourne.
*Conventionally hot chicks: typically average, boring girls who hide their lack of individuality, confidence and intellience with fake tan, clothes from Forever New, high heels and too much flesh. Usually date conventionally hot men**.
**Conventionally hot men: typically average, boring men who hide their lack of individuality, confidence and intelligence by working out too much, wearing Ed Hardy and ripping on nerds. Usually date conventionally hot chicks.