Sunday, June 27, 2010

Pitching a... dress?

The other day I received a phone call while at work from a particularly anxious man. "Ummm... I need to go to a costume party," he timidly said down the phone. "I'm supposed to dress like a woman. Can I come in and try on some stuff?" Being quite an open-minded person and having dated a cross-dresser, I reassured him that we'd definitely be happy with him coming in. I also pointed out that I could help him put together an outfit.

So twenty minutes later, a very nervous but polite man in his late thirties (complete with a bald patch on his head, a navy suit and tie) idled up to the counter and introduced himself. So I asked him about his budget, colours, whether he'd wear heels and what not, and whether he needed a mirror inside his changeroom so he wouldn't need to come out (but he insisted he wanted to come out). Five minutes later he was in a a changeroom with a bundle of gorgeous dresses and a couple of cute jackets and cardis.

So outfit one, he pops out of his changeroom with a mottled purple bubble dress and a cropped jacket. He doesn't like it. Whatever. Outfit two, he comes out with a tie-dyed silk A-line dresses, and asks me what I think about the colours. Outfit three, ahem. He hovers at his changeroom and beckons me to come over and help him. He walks out of the change room in a super tight, super short fuschia knitted mini dress. With a BONER.

Yes, he walked out with an erection. In one of our dresses. Then proceeded to do a 360 degree twirl and asked me what I thought. I nearly vomitted. I felt like I needed to disinfect the entire store and myself.

If a guy honestly got a boner for whatever reason, a normal guy would've just stay in the change room for a minute and force himself to think of his fat cousin shaving her legs, or diarrhoea, or anything unsexy. This guy, on the other hand...

The worst part was that he didn't even buy anything.