Sunday, June 6, 2010

You want me to kiss your ass? Sure, why not...

I had a little altercation today. I was in a great hurry to get somewhere, and there was a woman rudely blocking everyone's path by standing on the right of the elevator. Being the lovely lady I am (sort of...), I politely excused myself and asked if I could get through. Then out of absolutely no where said bitch went bezerk and shouted, "NO YOU CAN'T. YOU CAN BLOODY WAIT." I then pointed out that how it is courteous and common practice to stand on the left. To which the scrag said, "KISS MY ASS!"

I was obviously quite pissed off, but then had a what-would-my-mum-do moment (she really knows far more than Jesus) and did exactly what my fiesty mother would have done. I walked off the escalator, turned around and blew kisses in her direction. After all she wanted me to kiss her ass. The sad little middle age woman went red in the face like she was about to spit fire at me. But hey, not my problem anymore because I was already on my way.

My mother has a curious but amusing philosophy to live. Her theory is that increasing other people's blood pressure will decrease yours. In other words, try to rile up people as much as possible for your own amusement when you get into fights. My dear mother is one of those people who is always calm and a bit of smart arse in fights, and gets kicks watching her opponents fumble and shout. I'm not sure how well it works but it's worth a try.