Sunday, August 8, 2010

You scratch my back... I give you a discount.

The fashion retailer that I work for recently opened a shop in a large, commercial shopping mall - such a bad idea. We've always been based around iconic Melbourne cultural hubs (Brunswick Street, you get the idea) with character and personality. The customers at these shops are, for the most part, lovely.

The customers at the new shop - smack back in a materialistic whorehouse - are despicable human beings. Hoards of teenage girls and ditzy groups of middle aged women come in, mess up the shop, ignore us until they want to complain about something, then ask us to hold something for a week or give them a discount. Do you want to know a secret? I treat sales people differently. I often get offered a discount without asking. And get given the fucking ace customer service.

Here's a guide on how to get the most out of your shopping experience:

  • When greeted by a salesperson, say "hello" back and wait to see if they want to say anything else. Some stores have a policy of telling customers of special deals that aren't actually advertised, which you would miss out on if you tell them to fuck off. Obviously if they are a douche bag who bombard you with sales pitches, I would still advise you to run out of the store screaming.
  • Ask them before you go into the changeroom. This way we don't peg you as a shoplifter and have our hands hovering over the "RELEASE THE HOUNDS" button. Plus it's really useful when you have a daggy nude coloured bra with stains, and don't want to open the door to ask for help.
  • Ask the shop assistant for their opinion on your potential purchases. Let them fuss about you and show you other things. Sometimes we keep things in the backroom or under the counter (especially full priced items during sales) or we'll be super nice and give you non-display stock that's still crisp and has never been touched by anyone other than the Asian sweatshop kid who made it.
  • If they try to chat to you about other things, let them. Also ask them about their day. I've actually met writing clients and made friends by chatting to friends and sales people.
  • Try to make a point of not making a mess and stepping all over that $800 silk dress. I may murder you and your four offspring drooling on the shop floor with the cash register.
  • If you don't like something, I SERIOUSLY DO NOT CARE. Don't make up some bull shit story about how you'll come back later in the day with your mum, or that you aren't sure if it's right. Just saying that you simply did not like the items wastes a lot less time. It's not like I'll be offended.
  • When at the counter, thank them immensely and ask (sheepishly and apologetically) if you can have a discount if you're buying multiple items or if they have any offers. More often than not I'll give you one. If I like you.