Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Please read this before you ever mail me anything

I cannot fucking stand it when people put glitter in envelopes with their greeting cards. No, it's not cute or magical. It makes you a douchebag. It means that I open my mail in the kitchen, and everything in the vicinity (including my face) is covered in a fine shiny mist of glitter. I then look like a transvestite. I did not think it was possible for a female who looks like a female to look like a male pretending to be a female.

The next time anyone sends me a glitter filled envelope, I will send them a single sheet of paper with the word "ANTHRAX" in the middle, and put a handful of talcum powder in the envelope.

Yeah, that's how it feels.