Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A Public Transport Exercise Regime

Here are some healthy tips on how to lose weight by catching public transport:

  1. Get off a stop earlier and walk the extra distance. Works really well on regional train stations that are about 10 kilometres away from each other. Imagine all that exercise! You may want to schedule in another 4 hours into your travel time.
  2. Pretend you're surfing on the tram. Don't hold on to any railings, keep your knees bent and roll with it. Works best if you are wearing a bikini and humming the song from Pulp Fiction
  3. Don't have a valid ticket and run when you see the ticket inspectors. Jumping off moving trains is fantastic exercise.
  4. Don't have a valid ticket and stay. The ticket inspectors will give you the beating of your life, and you won't know what hit you (well, it was a ticket inspector). And you'll lose heaps of weight when the doctors have to amputate one of your legs, post Metro-brawl.
  5. Do an aerobics routine on the tram. The handles are great for exercising your arm muscles, and the freestanding poles on the 96 trams are a perfect substitute for the workplace if you are a stripper.
  6. Don't bring snacks. When your train inevitable breaks down in between Richmond and Flinders for an hour, or when your lovely bus driver kicks everyone out for no reason, you'll be far from any convenience stores and you can finally start that diet.
  7. Loiter around unmanned suburban train stations. There are great place to find new sparring partners if you're into boxing. Amateurs are advised to stay away from suburbs with high concentrations of Asians or gang activities unless you are a black belt and/or own a bullet proof vest.
  8. Carry your groceries and watch your biceps grow. Simply do arm curls with your bags for the duration of your ride. May be painful if you are travelling from Frankston to the city.
  9. Jump the platforms. Going from platform 1 to platform 10 at Richmond Railway Station? Reawaken your long jump skills from high school. Railway stations like Richmond, Flinders, South Yarra and Dandenong are great for this.

    Send through some before and after shots.